The Path of Ambition

Photo by Paula May on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, my mom sent me a video of my 18-month-old nephew that struck a weird chord in me. Mom keeps him while my sister and her husband work, so it’s not uncommon for me to get surprised with adorable pictures and videos throughout the day, but something about this particular video gave me pause. One look would tell you he was just playing– moving rocks back and forth, doing baby things that babies do. A closer look, however, would reveal that he was hard at work, seemingly knowing exactly what he was doing. Which was essentially nothing… but don’t tell him that.

One of my favorite things about my nephew and children in general is that I get to observe the way they navigate the world and compare it to the way I attempt to navigate my own. Sometimes it’s vastly different, given my (mostly?) fully formed brain, mastery of language, and general life experience. Other times, it’s strangely similar. And some other times still, it’s not similar at all but I wish it were.

I watched my nephew hustling, running around in circles, and I saw myself. His passion and focus were inspiring, but what was he actually accomplishing? My nephew is a baby, so his imaginary, nonsensical playtime is perfectly normal, but it made me examine my own life and begin to wonder, in what ways am I nonsensically striving? How often does it appear that I’m hard at work, when in reality, I don’t even know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it? And what good is Ambition without direction?

I’ve long considered myself to be a girl who knows what she wants. I got my brown eyes from my mama and my curly hair from my daddy, but I inherited a whopping serving of Ambition from both sides. Ambition is good, but its not-so-distant cousins, Competitiveness and Perfectionism, have a tendency to show up when that girl who thought she knew what she wanted forgets what she wants… which happens more often than she’d like.

I am not the originator of the word and therefore its definition is probably not up to me, but I’ve decided that Ambition requires direction or else it’s not Ambition. Ambition is about who you are, what you [uniquely] can do for the world, and where you will go to do it. On the other hand, Competitiveness and Perfectionism are about who you think you’re supposed to be, regardless of what you’re doing or where you’re going. If Ambition is a well-laid path, Competitiveness and Perfectionism are, at best, stumbling blocks, and at worst, malfunctioning GPS systems that lead you nowhere, or perhaps to a place you don’t even want to be.

Occasionally, as I’m strutting down my path of Ambition, I catch a glimpse of something I could do. Or I stumble upon an opportunity that somewhat interests me. And for some reason, my ego lights up at a chance to prove herself, even if it means delaying or straying from my truest and most honorable desires.

Ambition doesn’t latch on to every nearby opportunity. Ambition doesn’t have to climb every corporate ladder. Ambition doesn’t need to be in charge to be effective. Ambition requires direction. Even if you’re not totally sure where it will take you. Ambition requires context– it is attached to a meaningful pursuit.

Mistaking Competitiveness and Perfectionism as Ambition makes for a life of unfulfilling accomplishment. It is why many successful people are still not satisfied. Achieving via means of Competitiveness or Perfectionism may equal success, but achieving via means of Ambition equals joy.

This shift in thinking has helped me to distinguish between the energy I exert on fruitless pursuits of the ego and the energy I put toward my long-term goals. It’s helped me to consider the bigger picture when I find myself leading just to lead, or achieving just to achieve. It’s helped me to recognize Competitiveness and Perfectionism for what they really are: fear.

Ambition is a virtue. It’s an honor to have. And it’s a big, fat finger in the face of fear. So when you find a moment to take a break from your hustle, consider where you are on your own path of Ambition– if you’ve taken a detour, or gotten caught at a stumbling block. Perhaps you’re navigating it well, or chilling at a rest stop, or maybe you haven’t even left the house yet (even though you just told your friend you were on the way). In any case, thanks for hanging as I work through these ideas. I’m excited to be writing again as I’m hopping back on my path after a prolonged stint at a rest stop. I hope you find my introspection to be thoughtful, helpful, or at the very least, charming.

Passionate People

There are few things I love more than going for long drives filled with some major car-singing and deep thoughts. The amount of thinking that takes place while I drive is so overwhelming that it probably isn’t safe. I might be a hazard to myself or others on the road. Living in the city makes long drives less pleasurable, so I don’t do it as often as I’d like to, but driving back to the city from my small hometown this morning, I began thinking about my closest friends– those 8 to 10 people with whom I identify most closely. What is it that attracts me to them? Why do I want to spend time with them? I immediately thought of the above quote I found on Pinterest that I’ve probably pinned 8 billion times. I love passionate people. I am passionate about passionate people. Period.

There’s this really unfortunate trend in our culture that glorifies not caring. We’re breeding lifeless settlers by convincing ourselves and each other that dreaming big means you’re selfish or delusional, working hard isn’t worth it, and expecting more out of life, yourself, or others makes you some kind of bossy asshole.

Don’t get a degree in something you are passionate about. Get a degree in something that will pay the bills.

Don’t work too hard for anything or dedicate yourself to any one particular thing. It’s more important to be well-rounded. 

Don’t you dare even think about caring for someone else more than they care about you. That’s just embarrassing. 

We tend to avoid things that illicit an emotional response out of fear of how others will perceive our expressed emotions. This is why we don’t take risks. This is why we’re afraid of failure. This is why we’re terrified of rejection. This is why we don’t try. It’s why we hold back. It’s why we don’t say “I love you” when DAMMIT, I LOVE YOU.

We lack passion as a society.

I remember how utterly frustrating dating was at the very end of high school. I watched the way that boys’ eyes would glaze over as I talked excitedly about what I thought the future might hold. Not for us, of course (whoever “us” was), but for me. I think they were just being polite or trying to create casual conversation when they asked me about my college plans, but I guess I gave them way more than they had bargained for. I can’t tell you how many times my guy friends have told me how intimidating I probably seem to persons of the opposite gender. For some reason, our culture finds it perfectly natural to be a little afraid of (maybe even turned off by) “go getters.” Why is it not okay to know what you want? Why is not okay to work hard for what you want? Why is that unattractive to so many people?

I understand that being a “go getter” causes you to toe a thin line between determined and conceited. I’ve probably lingered on the conceited side before, and I completely understand how that could be less attractive, but it’s a real shame that we’ve conditioned ourselves to feel bad about knowing ourselves– knowing our strengths and weaknesses. I think many people fear that a “go getter” like myself would expect too much of them or think less of them for not being as determined or focused. Or maybe they assume that if we’re not passionate about the same things, we couldn’t possibly jive. But when it comes down to it, I’ve noticed that I don’t really care WHAT it is that a person is passionate about, just as long as they care about something. People who aren’t afraid to care, aren’t afraid to fail, aren’t afraid to try– those are the people I want to surround myself with. Those are the people who work for things they care about. Those are the people who don’t bail. They encourage you. They inspire you. They’re my kind of people.

When I was 15, I sat in a hotel room and cried with a girl I had known of my whole life, but had never really cared to actually know until that day when for the first time, I connected with another person whose dreams were so big that they were terrifying. I met a person like me, whose passion was literally flowing out of her eyeballs because just talking about it made her feel so full. For the 15 years leading up to that, I thought I was the only one who felt so deeply for anything. But now I look at the people who make up my life as I know it (and want it). They’re people who feel. They’re people who get excited. About softball, about music, about acting, about learning, about math (like, what the hell?), about writing, about other people, about Jesus. They care about things honestly and they do something about it! They care about people like me honestly and they do something about it. They don’t settle. They feel the fear and they do it anyway. They’re passionate people. And my life’s better because they’re in it.